Sometimes the hardest person to forgive is yourself. You did something, or did not do something, and you keep replaying it. Even if others have forgiven you, you cannot let it go.
Peter, one of Jesus's closest friends, knew that feeling better than almost anyone.
The worst night
Peter was a fisherman who had left his boats to follow Jesus. On the night of the last supper, he promised he would never leave Jesus, even if it meant dying with him.
Hours later, Jesus was arrested. Peter followed at a distance, into a courtyard outside the high priest's house. People there recognized him. Three times they asked if he was one of Jesus's followers. Three times he said no. The third time he swore he did not know the man.
Then a rooster crowed, and Peter remembered Jesus had told him this would happen. He went out and cried bitterly.
On the beach
After Jesus rose from the dead, some of his followers went back to fishing on the lake. Early one morning, Jesus stood on the shore and made them breakfast over a small fire.
After they ate, he turned to Peter and asked him if he loved him. Peter said yes. Jesus asked again. Peter said yes again.
The Gospel of John, one of the four accounts of Jesus's life, tells us about the third time.
He saith unto him the third time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? Peter was grieved because he said unto him the third time, Lovest thou me? And he said unto him, Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love thee. Jesus saith unto him, Feed my sheep.
John 21:17 · King James VersionThe original Greek
λέγει αὐτῷ τὸ τρίτον· Σίμων Ἰωάννου, φιλεῖς με; ἐλυπήθη ὁ Πέτρος ὅτι εἶπεν αὐτῷ τὸ τρίτον· Φιλεῖς με; καὶ εἶπεν αὐτῷ· Κύριε, πάντα σὺ οἶδας, σὺ γινώσκεις ὅτι φιλῶ σε. λέγει αὐτῷ ὁ Ἰησοῦς· Βόσκε τὰ πρόβατά μου.
Found in Codex Vaticanus (about AD 325), Codex Sinaiticus (about AD 350).
Where the King James Version has "son of Jonas," the oldest copies have "son of John."
Three times Peter had said no. Three times Jesus let him say yes. And each time, Jesus gave him something to do: take care of my people.
What it means for you
Jesus did not pretend the denial never happened. Peter was hurt by the third question, because he remembered. But Jesus did not leave him there. He gave Peter a way back, and a future.
Forgiving yourself does not mean saying it did not matter. It means accepting that God has already forgiven you, and letting him give you something to do next.
If you are stuck replaying your worst moment, you can bring it to him honestly, the way Peter did on that beach. "You know everything. You know I love you." He does know. And he still has work for you.