Sitting with someone who is dying is one of the hardest and most important things we ever do. Many of us are afraid of saying the wrong thing, so we stay away. Or we fill the silence with cheerful talk because we do not know what else to do. But people near the end of life often want something simple: not to be alone.
The Gospels record the last words Jesus spoke before he died.
Into your hands
Jesus was dying on a cross outside Jerusalem. He had been there for hours. Some of the women who followed him stood watching. Near the end, darkness came over the land.
The Gospel of Luke, one of the four accounts of Jesus's life, records his last words.
And when Jesus had cried with a loud voice, he said, Father, into thy hands I commend my spirit: and having said thus, he gave up the ghost.
Luke 23:46 · King James VersionThe original Greek
καὶ φωνήσας φωνῇ μεγάλῃ ὁ Ἰησοῦς εἶπεν· Πάτερ, εἰς χεῖράς σου παρατίθεμαι τὸ πνεῦμά μου. τοῦτο δὲ εἰπὼν ἐξέπνευσεν.
Found in Papyrus 75 (about AD 200), Codex Vaticanus (about AD 325), Codex Sinaiticus (about AD 350).
"Commend" means to hand over, to entrust. He prayed the words of an old psalm, a prayer song people had prayed for centuries. He handed himself over to his Father.
Many people find comfort in praying those same words at the end of their own lives, or having them prayed beside them.
Ways to help
Be present. Sit with them. Hold their hand if they want. You do not need to talk much.
Let them lead. Some want to talk about dying. Some want to talk about the old days, or sports, or nothing at all. Follow them.
Listen to fears and regrets. Do not rush to fix or explain. "That sounds hard" and "I am here" are enough.
Help with comfort. Moisten their lips, adjust a pillow, play music they love, read to them. Ask the nurses what helps.
Pray, if they want. Ask first. Short, simple prayers, a psalm, or the Lord's Prayer are often a comfort.
Support the family. Bring meals, sit in so they can rest, run errands, or help with calls.
Learn about hospice. Hospice teams care for the dying and their families, often at home. They can answer questions you are afraid to ask.
Keep showing up for the family after. Grief begins before death and lasts long after.
Not alone
Jesus did not die without a prayer. He spoke to his Father, and he handed himself over in trust. If you sit with someone who is dying, you help them not be alone at the end. That is one of the deepest kinds of love there is.